Us and Them(es)

This is not a thing we're doing for at least three distinct reasons.

As I said in my wedding FAQ's, I've been asked this question more than once:

Q: You're getting married? Congratulations! What's your theme?


A: Oh, you know, marriage.


More detailed A: Our wedding will be straight from the Book of Common Prayer, hopefully with a little music by friends, and there will be snacks. By the end of it, we'll be married.

People* who haven't recently spent time flipping through wedding magazines and blogs** might be unaware, but all the cool weddings these days have themes. Not explorations of timeless ideas and universal questions, like in literature; more like pervasive motifs, like in amusement parks and children's birthday parties.

Some people manage to have a theme in an un-obnoxious way. Here are an Amelie wedding and an Up wedding that pull it off sweetly. My brother and sister-in-law also rocked an Alice in Wonderland theme for their reception (after a BCP ceremony). Those are fun to go to, but they don't suit Blade and me. Also, these weddings are unusually labor-intensive, and, as Lisa puts it, I react to wedding chores the way Harry Potter characters react to Dementors.

And let's not forget that wedding themes often veer into crazy: How about a Star Wars wedding? Or a pirate theatrical classic rock wedding? (Both of these weddings were recently posted on Offbeat Bride, where a staggering number of weddings feature a TARDIS.)

People obviously put loads of care into themed weddings, but, at least from the pictures, many of these events seem less about sacrament and more about entertainment.

I wonder if this trend toward themes is a reaction against being told What Is Expected for a Proper Wedding over and over by (mostly) well-meaning friends and family from the moment you get engaged. I respond to that pressure by delegating to someone more useful than I am, just before I curl into a fetal position. I'm lucky that the people whose opinions matter most to me also like laid back, simple things.


*This is most people, right? I hope and pray that it is most people.
**Most of which are designed to make you insane.

Wedding FAQ

Don't we look engaged?

I will now tackle the questions I have been asked by many friends, acquaintances, former coworkers' relatives, and passing strangers ever since Blade gave me a sparkly ring. Let's put some of these to rest now.


Q: When did you get engaged?!

A: January. Or March, depending on how you count it.


Q: How did Blade propose?

A: By asking. The first time, in January, I had already taken some medicine that makes me Very Sleepy, so I don't remember a lot of details, except that we decided not to tell anyone until we had a chance to talk to our families. The second time, in March, was in my car after I picked Blade up from the airport. He was returning from California, where he talked to his parents about getting married, and they gave him a ring for me. He waited until the car was in park so that I wouldn't run off the road.


Q: Ring! Ring ring ring!

A: That's not a question. But the answer is that it belonged to Blade's great-grandmother, and I love it. We're having his ring made out of jewelry from my great-grandmother, who happened to be a loan shark. Long story.


Q: What is your theme?

A: Oh, you know, marriage.


Q: So you're having a big wedding, then?

A: Again, that is not a question, really. That's an assumption, and no, we're not. We're having as small a wedding as we can manage while still including our families as well as friends that we both know. Blade and I lean toward the introverted side of things and get easily overwhelmed by crowds, so a big wedding didn't seem like the best option for us. We think everyone is great, but we don't have room for everyone all at once.


Q: Are you stressed about wedding planning?

A: Only when I have to do something wedding-ish, which is not that often. Blade made the invitations and website, and my temporarily-crippled mother is flexing her Martha muscles while she recovers from ankle surgery. (She isn't allowed to be on her feet for awhile, which means she's itching for things to make with her hands.) A couple of months ago, she helped me dress shop, and she's handled most interactions with our caterer and venue.

This doesn't leave me a lot to do, really, which is good, because wedding chores instantly fill me with anxiety. I tear up, my nose gets itchy, I have to eat some chocolate and lie down -- it's this whole big thing. Then I want to drag Blade to a courthouse and skip the cake-and-photographer-and-flowers mess. The number one reason we haven't given up and eloped is because we want our marriage to begin with a sacrament, not just a legal form.


Q: Do you resent how the wedding industry has deliberately and systematically brainwashed the entire country over the last several generations?*

A: Why, yes. Yes, I do.



Do you have a question that I missed?



* That nobody has actually asked me this question is something I attribute to the thoroughness of the brainwashing. Also, it's just possible I watch too many Joss Whedon shows.